Another Whole Brain Strategy in Parenting: Engage, Don't Enrage💕
💗Introduction:
Parenting is a journey that requires us to navigate the intricate pathways of our children's developing brains while understanding our own. Dan Siegel's Whole Brain Approach to parenting provides us with valuable insights to guide our interactions with our children in a way that fosters their growth and development without causing emotional distress. In previous blogs, we've explored two critical strategies: "Connect and Redirect" and "Name It to Tame It." Now, let's dive into the third strategy: "Engage, Don't Enrage." This strategy focuses on appealing to the "upstairs brain" and helping children develop problem-solving skills.
Engage, Don't Enrage - Appealing to the Upstairs Brain🪴
To effectively employ this strategy, let's first imagine the brain as a two-story house. The "downstairs brain" is like the foundation, responsible for essential functions like breathing and strong emotional reactions such as anger, fear, and panic. It often acts impulsively, without much thought. The "baby gate" of the mind represents this downstairs brain, which can be both helpful and troublesome.
On the other hand, the "upstairs brain" represents the top part of the cortex, particularly the area behind the forehead. It develops later in childhood and continues into adulthood. This part of the brain is where sophisticated mental processes occur, including making good decisions, self-understanding, emotional regulation, empathy, and distinguishing right from wrong. All the actions and behaviors we hope our children will exhibit require the engagement of their upstairs brain, which isn't fully developed in early childhood. However, as parents, we can still encourage its growth and development by using specific strategies.
Step 1: Connect👫 Before engaging your child's upstairs brain, ensure you've completed the first step of "Connect and Redirect." By connecting with your child emotionally, you create a safe space for them to express their feelings and experiences.
Step 2: Engage the Upstairs Brain🤹 Once both you and your child are calm, it's time to tap into their upstairs brain for problem-solving.
Here's how:
Listen Actively: Encourage your child to express their feelings and thoughts. Be an attentive listener, showing empathy and understanding. This helps them feel heard and valued.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of offering immediate solutions, ask open-ended questions that prompt critical thinking. Encourage your child to explore their options and consider different perspectives.
Collaborate on Solutions: Work together to find solutions. Guide your child through the decision-making process, helping them weigh the pros and cons of different choices.
- Foster Empathy: Encourage your child to think about how their decisions might affect others. This promotes empathy and a sense of responsibility.
Support Their Choices: Once a decision is made, support your child's choice and help them implement it. Be there to provide guidance and assistance as needed.
Conclusion: In the journey of parenting, fostering your child's emotional and cognitive development is a delicate balance. The "Engage, Don't Enrage" strategy of Dan Siegel's Whole Brain Approach provides a roadmap for appealing to your child's upstairs brain, encouraging them to develop essential problem-solving skills. By connecting with your child emotionally and then engaging their upstairs brain, you empower them to make thoughtful decisions, fostering their growth and development positively and constructively
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